A.J

What is married life to be anyway? To love and to hold? Well, I guess it doesn't happen in reality anyway. There is nothing to imagine about a blissful married life. There isn't such things and it never last for more than a second that can make you smile like you never did. To be with you is just so hard to be able to achieved. What does it even mean by vow? Do people actually mean it when they even say it? I guess I really don't know what's is the marriage vow for anyway. When two people are in love they don't have to get married. Being legally married means just a paper and a pen. It doesn't matter cause once it has been torn apart it will just be the end. Do two people who are in love really need to sign that paper? Someday it will just fall apart just like this. No matter how hard we try, it will never be the same every again. What for run for something that doesn't belong to you even. I am really tired of finding the right one or trying hard to love my partner when I know I don't get anything back but just commitments. What more can I ask for? Nothing. Oh well, just well least let it be again. Never knew loving or trying to love is just so hard. It never meant anything anyway for any instance. Everyone get married for various reasons. How many percentage really get married cause they are in love? Maybe 1/10 couple does it. The rest are for reasons. When we were young, we will dream of fairytales but it doesn't happen in reality. Nothing happens in the real world now. Everything is just for a reason not for a cause. Maybe when we really love that someone it will never happen that him/her will be the one you will be marrying. What is a pure true love? Up till now, I just wish for someone who I can built my walls with and share my happiness and sorrow with. Someone who will just be there forever. Someone who can understand me when I don't speak. Someone who will know my next move without me showing. It is always nice to just fall in love over and over again. It doesn't happen in reality anyway. At the end, it will just be a repeated routine. Nothing special, nothing nice. It will just be apart. I will stare at my computer and he will be there playing his ipad. Like there is nothing to talk about other than just baby. I always feel like he is always not willing to put down his things and just listen to me talk. There is no common topic and nothing special. It will just always remain this way. Maybe just one day all we have to say to each other is just a HI & BYE. Will it come to it? It is already on it's way becoming like this. From now, I will just plan a life. Be it with or without him. The happiness will never last a minute. I really hope someday I can smile again from my heart. Just to feel a beat in my heart again.